Breaking Free from Hyper-Independence: Why Asking for Help Is True Strength

Ever feel like you're juggling sales, life, and everything in between? You're not alone! Join Sasha Davis for another 'car talk episode' as she dives into:  

• The challenges of hyper-independence and why so many women feel the need to "do it all."  
• Balancing sales, business, and motherhood with a touch of soulful reflection.   
• How childhood survival skills shape who we are today (and how to reframe those patterns).  
• Breaking the cycle of burnout and embracing connection without losing your edge. 

It’s real, relatable, and bursting with insights to help you level up your business.

🎧 Ready to laugh, reflect, and learn? Hit play and let’s unpack hyper-independence together!  

Join our next FREE Live Event April 11th, 2025 at 10AM PST. Here's the link to register: https://salesmama.biz/live

Transcript

0:00: Hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of the Sales Mama podcast. 
 0:05: I feel like you guys get different versions of me depending on what time of day it is. 
 0:09: But nevertheless, I'm usually in my car, car talk with Sausha Davis. 
 0:16: Oh, I, so sometimes I'll post on my social media on like Instagram. 
 0:25: I'm usually on Instagram and Facebook. 
 0:26: I'm usually over on Instagram. 
 0:28: So if you want to interact with me, the best place to interact with me is on Instagram at Sasha dot Davis S A US H A dot Davis and, and I'm also over on sales mama school too. 
 0:43: But I'm mostly on sausha.davis and so every now and then I will, you know, I think I'm funny. 
 0:49: You guys probably don't think I'm funny, but I think I'm funny and every now and then I'll post some things on there and I'm like, ha ha ha, I'm so hilarious and then it's like crickets, I'm like, God damn it, nobody thinks I'm funny. 
 1:02: But then you know, somebody comes along and they're like, oh, that's the funniest post I saw. 
 1:08: So I digress anyhoo today. 
 1:11: I wanna talk about hyper independence because this seems to be a theme coming up quite a bit in sales mama school and if it's coming up with them gals, I'm sure it's coming up with you too. 
 1:25: So let's talk about it. 
 1:27: Ok. 
 1:28: I know sales is, you know, the ultimate driver as to why many of you are here, you know, sales business motherhood, right? 
 1:36: And there is another sign to that because we can have all of the right systems and strategy in place. 
 1:45: But there's also another component to that, a soulful component, a spiritual component. 
 1:52: And a lot of times that comes with doing the inner work, right? 
 1:57: And so what I have found is many times as we start to grow our business women specifically. 
 2:06: I mean, I've worked with, you know, dudes and whatnot before, but I find that it's not, I don't know the guys that I've worked with. 
 2:12: II, I don't think it's as, I don't know, it just hasn't been a thing as much as it has been with the women. 
 2:18: And maybe it's just the type of women I attract, right? 
 2:21: Because the energy that you put out is typically the energy that you attract. 
 2:24: And when I was growing up, I, I mean, I had to rely on myself, you know, I mean, you know, I had a roof over my head, I had food in my belly, I had, you know, clothes in my back like let's be real. 
 2:39: I wasn't homeless or anything like that, you know, I, I was no first world problems. 
 2:44: Right. 
 2:45: Yes. 
 2:45: I've been in and out of foster care. 
 2:47: Yeah. 
 2:47: I had, you know, some physical, mental, emotional abuse and whatnot but I feel like there's always somebody out there that has had it worse and so I don't talk about it a whole lot because I, I know it's weird but I always try to be like, oh, well, somebody else has it worse. 
 3:09: So it's not that big of a deal. 
 3:10: Somebody else has it worse. 
 3:11: And I'm sure you guys have done this too, you know, where something bad happens or something happens and you're like, oh, it's no big deal. 
 3:17: It's no big deal. 
 3:17: It's no big deal. 
 3:18: Same thing how we kind of minimize our celebrations, right? 
 3:22: Where if something good happens, we're like, oh yeah, yeah, it's not that big of a deal. 
 3:25: But if somebody else has a celebration, we're like, yeah, fuck. 
 3:28: Yeah, you're awesome. 
 3:30: Right. 
 3:30: But if it's for ourselves, we kind of were like, yeah, we could have done better, right. 
 3:35: We're always really hard on ourselves, really critical of ourselves. 
 3:39: And so I think at a young age, I had learned to be super self sufficient and hyper independent because I didn't have any other choice. 
 3:52: Like it was a, a survival skill at that point. 
 3:55: And I didn't know that at the time, obviously. 
 3:58: And as I, you know, learn and grow and I mean, even sometimes now I'm like, fuck, man, I'm going to be coming up on 40 and I still am like, what the fuck am I doing with my? 
 4:10: Like I still feel like a kid some days and I'm sure you do too. 
 4:13: And then I look at my kids and they look to me for guidance and I'm like, I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing. 
 4:17: You know what I mean? 
 4:18: So I can't imagine what, you know, like little Sasha was going through, which is weird to say, but you know, like what little Sasha was going through when her parents were like total. 
 4:30: Oh my God, I don't even want to get into it on here. 
 4:32: But let's just say that things were bat shit crazy. 
 4:36: Things were bat shit crazy. 
 4:38: I, I just don't even know how else to put it for right now. 
 4:42: We'll just leave it at that. 
 4:45: There's just a lot of crazy things that were going on, you know, and you just learn to adapt as a survival mechanism, right? 
 4:56: So like when there's a lot of screaming and yelling that becomes the norm, right? 
 5:00: And you, you start to artificially create chaos in your life because you have lived a chaotic life. 
 5:08: And so I, I even see that now where things start to get too normal, I create chaos and sometimes it is, you know, sometimes I recognize it and sometimes I don't, but it is very much a pattern of my life where I grew up in a chaotic household and if things are going like, too smooth right now I'm, you know, like as an adult, I'm like, oh shit, you know, shit's gonna hit the fan, something's gonna happen. 
 5:34: You know, things are going to get crazy. 
 5:36: And so even as a kid, you know, when things would get crazy, I wouldn't have anybody to rely on because there was nobody there, there was no, I mean, physically, yes, they were there but mentally, emotionally, no. 
 5:49: And actually sometimes physically they weren't even there. 
 5:51: I mean, fuck my dad worked like 20 hours a day sometimes and he just leave us home and I mean, we were like 68, 10 years old, you know what I mean? 
 6:01: Like, I cannot imagine leaving my seven year old home alone and just being like, see you later, see you in 12 hours, you know, but it was totally normal. 
 6:11: I mean, and I look at her and, you know, maybe it's my own fault. 
 6:13: I mean, she can do a whole hell of a lot. 
 6:15: But then there's some things where I'm like, how do you not know how to do that? 
 6:20: And I find myself getting really mad and really frustrated because when I was her age, like I knew how to cook, I knew how to clean. 
 6:28: I knew how to drive a car. 
 6:30: Like I knew how to mow the lawn. 
 6:33: I knew how to, I mean, you name it. 
 6:35: I knew how to do things that most 15 and 16 year olds these days didn't know how to do. 
 6:42: Right. 
 6:43: And so I find myself having, you know, like a short fuse, you know, I get angry. 
 6:48: I, and I find that now it has translated into me. 
 6:55: Just not ok. 
 6:58: So this is, this is what it translates into. 
 7:00: Right. 
 7:01: I have a short fuse, I get angry quickly, which again, short fuses when I feel like people should know more, I feel like they should know more and they should do more because I had to do more, right? 
 7:16: And so when somebody is like, what do you mean? 
 7:18: I'm like, what do you mean? 
 7:19: What do I mean? 
 7:19: Like what the fuck are you talking about? 
 7:21: You should know these things. 
 7:22: You're an adult, right? 
 7:23: And II I recognize now that it's not always like that, right? 
 7:29: It's not always like that. 
 7:32: Not everybody grew up in a super chaotic, stressful, not always safe environment, right? 
 7:40: And so I can't always compare my childhood to everybody else's even though, you know, it did push me to be the person that I am today. 
 7:50: But I do find that I am hyper independent. 
 7:54: I have a really hard time asking for help and I do have a short fuse because I feel like I had been pushed to learn things and adapt much quicker than some others. 
 8:04: And so when people are like, way I can't figure this out, I'm like, use your fucking brain, you know. 
 8:11: So when people or when people in Facebook groups are like, how do I do this? 
 8:18: I'm like, there's fucking Google, there's chat G BT like use your critical thinking skills, like for some reason, this is not a thing these days and it just drives me insane, right? 
 8:30: And so again, going back to that hyper independence, it has been such a hard thing for me as an adult because I, I get angry quickly. 
 8:44: I mean, and II, I recognize it now so I don't take it out on people. 
 8:48: But II I very much understand what triggers me, right? 
 8:52: And I'm like, oh my God, here it is again. 
 8:54: And so I have to work through it and then I find that I am really, really it's really hard for me to ask for help because two things, one, nobody was ever there for me when I did ask for help, nobody like there was just not people around to ask for help, right? 
 9:11: And then secondly, when people were around to ask for help, they constantly let me down, constantly let me down and the people who are supposed to care about you the most that are supposed to want to help you want to care for, you want to support you. 
 9:34: And when they... 
0:00: There goes that dang alarm again for my dog. 
 0:05: But when the people that you care most that are supposed to care most about you, they constantly let you down too. 
 0:12: You know, history repeats itself. 
 0:13: It starts to create a pattern in your brain where you can't ask for help because you're going to be disappointed anyway. 
 0:19: So why put yourself out there? 
 0:20: So then you have trust issues, right? 
 0:23: And so then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of like I, I can't ask for help because when I do, I don't get it anyway. 
 0:30: So I might as well do it myself, right? 
 0:32: So then it's this pattern on repeat, on repeat, on repeat. 
 0:35: And then we get angry, we get burnt out and then it just keeps cycling over and over and over. 
 0:41: And until somebody comes along and breaks and disrupts that pattern, you will continue to experience the pattern, right? 
 0:49: Same as me. 
 0:50: And the only way to break that pattern is to find the right people who you can trust, who will show up for you. 
 1:01: And it is so much easier said than done. 
 1:04: So much easier said than done. 
 1:06: There's so many people out there that are like again, you know, you hear me all the time mocking like air tags the village. 
 1:13: It's really hard to find that village. 
 1:15: I'm not gonna sugar coat it. 
 1:16: It is very hard to find that village for me. 
 1:18: It took a very long time and I still have trust issues. 
 1:22: I still have trust issues. 
 1:23: I'm not gonna lie. 
 1:25: I I don't, I don't trust a lot of people. 
 1:28: I don't let a lot of people in because when I do, I have, I have been let down a lot. 
 1:34: So I am very cautious of who I let in and what I share and what I don't share. 
 1:40: And I'm pretty, I'm pretty open and honest on here. 
 1:42: Like I am a lot more open and honest and authentic than I feel like I ever have been. 
 1:46: And the reason being is because I hope that it inspires and, you know, you guys hearing my story, you know, helps you to you know, heal and, and you know, improve your life and your children's lives and you know, that whole ripple effect deal, right? 
 2:02: Where am I going with this sales right back to the business side of things, even though you can have all of the perfect systems, all the perfect strategies. 
 2:12: If you still find that you have trust issues or that you are hyper independent or that you struggle asking for help, this can be rooted in a safety, a safety issue. 
 2:27: You do not feel safe, you do not feel safe. 
 2:30: And it can be chronic stress on your body. 
 2:34: Chronic stress on your body, it is their survival mechanism. 
 2:39: It is a survival technique and over time it will wear you the F down, it will wear you down, you will become burnt out, you will become overwhelmed. 
 2:50: And this is why a lot of people end up quitting their business. 
 2:53: Not the only reason, but a reason, right? 
 2:56: Because they get to a point where they're like, I cannot do it all on my own anymore. 
 3:00: But I also don't know how to ask for help. 
 3:03: And when I do ask for help, I don't get the right help that I need because I don't have the skill of asking for help. 
 3:11: It is a skill on how to ask for help because a lot of times we're just like, hey, can you help? 
 3:17: We don't say what we need when we need it, how we need it or we feel like a bitch for being clear in what our expectations are. 
 3:24: So I'm here to tell you that it's ok to ask for what you need as long as you do it in a kind clear concise way. 
 3:35: Anybody who loves and appreciates you is not going to take offense to that. 
 3:40: And anybody who does is not really in it for you, right? 
 3:44: They are not there to hold space for you. 
 3:46: Ok? 
 3:47: And they are not in a place where they're gonna be part of your support team, right? 
 3:52: You'll have different people sitting in different sections of your bus essentially, right? 
 3:58: You're gonna have different people in different areas of your life that are gonna support you for different capacities of your life. 
 4:02: Not everybody is gonna check every single box for every area of your life and just know that that is OK. 
 4:09: All right. 
 4:10: So know that overcoming hyper independence is one part of it. 
 4:16: Feeling safe within your body is one part of it, feeling safe within your business. 
 4:22: Is another part of it. 
 4:25: Having the skill to ask for help is another part of it asking for help is a part of it and then having the skills to know what to ask and how to ask is another part of it, right? 
 4:41: So I want you to sit with us. 
 4:43: I want you to think about this. 
 4:45: Where in your life do you feel like you're being hyper independent? 
 4:49: Where in your life do you feel like maybe you've been let down to where you don't feel like you can ask for help? 
 4:57: Where do you feel like in your, in your life, in your business where you have all the things but something still missing, something still missing and it's OK to brainstorm, it's OK to ask for help. 
 5:10: And so write it down like, how can I be super specific in asking for what I need. 
 5:16: How can I be super specific in asking for what I need and be so specific and so simple that a kindergartner would understand what you were saying. 
 5:29: That's how clear and concise that you want to be, right? 
 5:32: Don't do it super high level, don't do it super vague. 
 5:35: Be very clear, very concise step by step by step and then ask the person. 
 5:42: Do you have any questions? 
 5:43: Do you understand what I'm asking? 
 5:45: Does this feel like something that you can help me with? 
 5:47: Can you commit to this? 
 5:49: Can you commit to this by this day and time? 
 5:52: Right? 
 5:53: That's another thing. 
 5:54: A lot of times people ask for help and they're not clear by when. 
 5:57: So then people are just like, oh yeah, I'll get around to it and in your head it's red fire hot, urgent and this person thinks they have like six fucking months to do it, right? 
 6:07: Be specific. 
 6:10: OK? 
 6:10: And just know that hyper independence, it's not cool. 
 6:15: It's a survival technique and it's time to bury that hatchet and heal that inner child that had to use that survival technique and let them know that it's OK. 
 6:29: We survived, we made it through, we're on the other side, we are on the other side and it is OK to ask for help and we're giving ourselves permission to ask for help, which will allow us to also give our Children permission to ask for help. 
 6:45: So this is me giving you permission to ask for help and if you need help, you know where to find me. 
 6:52: So hope you guys have a kick ass evening and catch you on the next episode.